Increase your compassion for yourself by taking the time to better understand yourself. The way you think and behave makes sense! We learn to behave in certain ways to keep ourselves safe and to be connected to others. However, sometimes what we learned doesn’t work to get what we want. When in relationship, we self-protect, and may not be aware of our impact on the other person, and that we possibly are creating danger feeling for others. We learn from our parents and from society that being vulnerable is dangerous, which can be true, but it’s also the only way to be fully connected and intimate with another person. Because of this, we can find ourselves feeling stuck and scared in our connections with others. We are all on a spectrum of connection, some of us may pursue and cling onto others, while others avoid connection and keep people at an arms length. How do you operate in relationship? Is it working? What would you need to do differently to get what you want? Here’s a tip: talk in a way that makes other people want to keep listening, and listen in a way that makes other people want to keep talking. If you have trouble doing this on your own, (and to be fair, it can be quite difficult), therapy & the Imago Intentional Dialogue provides safety, connection, and structure, so that two people can discuss difficult, emotionally charged, important topics. People always make sense if you listen long enough.
Our Defences Block us From Connection