In the book, The 5 Love Languages, the author references a great metaphor about people, love, and relationships: children are like empty tanks. These tanks need to be filled up with their parent’s love. How much love goes into these tanks contributes to how a person develops emotionally and socially as an adult. When children behave badly it’s because their tank isn’t filled up enough with love, and when adults behave badly, especially in relationships, it is also because their tanks aren’t filled up with love.
When you are a child, you are defenceless, and you don’t have much control over how your parents parent. As an adult, however, you do have control over yourself and the people you have in your life. It is your responsbility to know yourself, your needs, and how to get them met. It is your respoinsiblity to learn how to communicate effectively, so that in relationship, you can express your desires.
Ususally, two people in a relationship speak different love languages. This is due to having different life experiences and family dynamics. Just as a English speaking person and a Spanish speaking person would have to learn each other’s languages in order to communicate, two people in a relationship need to learn to speak the other’s love language in order for each person to feel loved and cared for. What makes you feel loved may not be the same for your partner – remember you are different people.
Put effort into understanding, communicating, and taking action for your partner. Give the gift of filling up your partner’s tank full of love! And observe if the relationship starts to feel better…and if you need help, you know where to find me!