Here are four more to keep in mind:
– “Getting” children is core. (Understanding from the child’s viewpoint). Find a way to be in your child’s shoes, especially when you find yourself in a power struggle.
– Attunement comes from fully listening and fully loving the unique “otherness” of the child. Remind yourself that your child is an other, separate from you. They think, feel, operate, and like things differently that you do. Respect and embrace the differences.
– Deep listening is supported by the Imago Dialogue. (If this is the first time you are hearing of the Imago Dialogue, please read my previous blog posts, as it is an imperative communication tool.) Dialogue varies according to the age, temperament, and personality of the child. In using the dialogue with your children, you are giving them the experience of feeling heard, validated, and empathy. You are also teaching them a healthy and highly beneficial way of communicating with others. What a gift!
– Our own childhood and life experience affects the way we parent. This is why it is so important for you to be aware of your own “stuff”, and what you may need to work on, so you don’t project your issues onto your kids (although it will happen anyway because we can’t be perfect parents all the time, but you can try to minimize the frequency and intensity). Remember, (I will just keep saying this) all you can do is be more conscious and less reactive!